a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
