Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
