hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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