i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
