Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
