I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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