cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
