god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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