and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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