Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
love makes seman taste better
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
