His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They took my balls.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
