Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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