I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.