bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
