His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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