Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.