I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.