how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?