if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
