when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
