id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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