Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
