She is in my trunk
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
