Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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