It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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