You just made me feel so damn special
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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