I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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