I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Randomize
