The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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