Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
