gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
