thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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