apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
