I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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