upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
