dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
