Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
