it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
