maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
