Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
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fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher