I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
