So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
