Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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