Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
