it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
