We're like a lot better than the average bears
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
