I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
