shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
