Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
