I think i peed on brittanys purse
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
