The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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