some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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