Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dear god my vagina.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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