Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
