Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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