he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
