I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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