So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
