I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
