you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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