my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Life is so much better after having sex.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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