dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
