I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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