The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
