he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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