GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
