After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
