you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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