if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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