i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
