Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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