in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
