I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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