her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
