I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
